Worries about Sally

It happened a couple of weeks back.

The student care teacher told me that Sally hit his classmates in student care, and after it was made clear to him that hitting others was unacceptable, then he turned to hit himself, and threatened to hit the teachers too. And he was clearing up the mess that he made just before I turned up to fetch him, the teacher told him that she will help to clear up, and Sally was free to go as she didn't want me to wait for too long. Sally then thrashed the mess back onto the floor again.

I was really throbbing mad at Sally when we were driving to Ah mah's place.

He knows very well that whatever that he was doing is wrong, and it wasn't the first nor the 2nd time that this happened. He was guilty of such unruly behaviour earlier in the year when he just joined the student care, but it subsequently went away for a few months, before resurfacing again after the long school holiday.

Gave him 4 strokes of the cane for each of the offense that he did.
Made sure that he told me what was right and what was wrong, what he needed to do the next time when bad things happen, and even practiced whatever that he had prescribed for himself, before he received each stroke of the cane.

The caning has to hurt, so that he will remember and not repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

However, this only lasted for a short time, before I had to travel again, and he repeated the self-hitting behaviour again while I was away.

Cony was quite depressed that this had to happen over and over. And started questioning herself why Sally just can't behave like any other kids of his age.

Reviewed Sally's case with CK and Jennifer. And through the Angry iceberg experience, Sally learnt to understand that there are lots of reasons beneath anger, and he has learnt to identify those. He was quite to identify other people's emotions, but didn't have the courage to talk about his own emotions. CK explained that his low self esteem and inherent belief that admission of Anger is bad and he wants to avoid that. Sally doesn't want to be seen as angry, as it looked bad on him.

Made sense. And both myself and Cony were willing to give this a try, to help bring Sally out of the thinking that he should never admit anger or emotions. He will need to learn to identify and express his own emotions first, before he can learn to better control them.

Alas, we received the 1st formal warning letter from the student care, that Sally may be expelled if he fails to behave himself properly. This worried Cony and she started to look for alternatives to the student care.

And we were still very worried about Sally's behaviour. Though we had got Dr Z to do a diagnosis on Sally 2 years ago, which returned a negative result for ADHD, it still worries us that the diagnosis may be wrong, and maybe we should seek a second opinion, as Sally's behaviour fits exactly to what was described by the MOH advertisement...

My precious Sally.
Brown and Cony love you, and want you to be healthy and socially well adjusted as you grow up.
You are my precious forever.

Does this boss really know the business?

Had a 1-1 with boss last week when I was still on leave.
Was discomforted by his level of proficiency when I discussed a few items with him.

Application for Annual Leave
Submitted my application for AL on the last day of work before my AL starts, and boss replied the next day asking me what that was for. At first I thought he was pissed that I didn't discuss this with him beforehand. But after my 1-1 with him, then it was revealed that he only knows DTO in the US, but do not know that the equivalent in Asia is called Annual Leave. WTF...

Request for help
Sent a list of request for help to him weeks ago that went unanswered even though we had discussed it in our previous 1-1. Raised that in our 1-1 again, and explained to him that I needed him to use his executive presence to push for some exceptions (with supporting data) to avoid serious repercussions on the biz. Ends up he just shoves it aside and just said to go with the standard solution and see what happens. Why the heck will I need him around if he can't help?...

China biz model
Told boss that the last minute cost changes from legal had huge implications on the biz model, and we won't be able to proceed with the original plans due to 60% cost hike. Since legal wasn't coming back with a clear answer, I went ahead to do a 2nd analysis and distributed the new analysis and cost model to all. Told boss that he has to tell the sale prez that the ball is no longer in our court. Not sure if he had done it. Sales prez had arranged for a 1-1 call with me on this coming Friday instead.

Overall biz model
Told boss that I'll need his support when I present the MD model to Asia boss, as there are costs involved. Boss asked me why were there costs involved in Asia, as he thought only China will require checks. I had to explain to him that the CPI in Asia is generally bad, and many places will mandate a check. Then he asked me why do we need to sign up 3rd parties, who mandated that, and we should push back to those that mandated this, and have them bear the cost. I was like seriously? You are running this organization but you have no idea that we are one of the key proponents of this model?

I seriously have doubts that boss has the capability or capacity to operate the Asia business. He doesn't know much and seems that he isn't interested to learn and know more either. It is just follow the NA and EMEA model.

I wonder how long will he or me survive here...

Better go back to LinkedIn and continue looking for new jobs...

Work Woes #3

Had a 1-1 with boss this morning, and asked him for his advice on the areas where he thought that I should improve on, and he mentioned that I'll need to get more engaged in Team discussions like what we had last week.

And he also mentioned that it was the Sales prez who indicated to him that he doesn't know much about me, which is why boss asked me to speak up more infront of sales prez.
This was exactly as I had analyzed.

Instead of just being in denial, I will agree to a certain extent that Sales prez doesn't know me that well since every single presentation that I had with him was cut short at the last minute.

It is easy to blame it on luck, that why is it that I always get the last few presentation slots and have to contend with unscheduled interventions that eats into my presentation.

Or I should really look into making these preparations for future presentations that the Sales prez is going to sit in:

• 2 decks of ppt:
• 1 for a full presentation with all figures - use when time is not a concern
• 1 for an Executive summary with key asks listed in priority that takes only 30% of the full ppt time
• Maneuvering the numbers to making the business look good by isolating singular large deal losses, instead of showing the numbers as is, while getting no chance to explain in details and getting blamed for poor business performance

And somehow, from the chat with boss, it seems that he isn't sympathetic to our region, nor does he have the patience to sit through a full explanation to understand the situation to offer his advice, like what my ex bosses used to do. But instead, he seeks quick and short answer to his questions and jumps into his own conclusions.

Well, every boss has his/her own style, and I can only try my best to figure out how to adapt to the pace, style and cadence of the current boss, and neither expect nor compare between the various bosses I had in the last 3 years.
Looking at the timeline, this is the 4th that I had in the last 3 years. Not a good thing...

Oh well, it's back to the job hunting board again and continue to look for alternatives.
Just wondering if I'll ever hit the actual 10 year mark in this company before I eventually leave, and also if I'm asked to leave, will there be a proper retrenchment package offered.

漂浮不定心不定
落地轻重智理情
兵荒马乱先擒王
刀光剑影心不慌

Work woes #2

Had been busy sending out lots of jobs applications based on my skill set rather than having a genuine thought about what I really want to do, or where do I want to move to

I Guess the stress and anxiety on the real possibility of losing my job and income, and the accompanying consequences on my dependents has really got to me, so much so that I was panicking last night

Recalled that I was talking to Tracy on the flight back to Sg, and just mentioned a random thought of me replacing a current incompetent PLM, may be the ideal situation for me. It caught her off guard and didn’t respond, so I guess she didn’t think much of me in that position either. Can’t really confide that much in her anymore

Mentioned this concern to Uncle after our 1-1 meeting, and he brought up some good points that I may had been pushing too hard on what I think is best suited for my region, and probably neglected the aspect of managing my boss’s business needs. Sometimes you have got to go with the flow and do what the boss thinks is good, even though you know very well that it wouldn’t work. Scoring more brownie points won’t hurt

Had breakfast with ZY this morning, and confided in him as well. As well as my concerns on not being given the credit for all the hard work that I had done in the background to finally get things off the ground, and someone else swooping in to claim credit for my work at the very moment that it is going to show results. Good advice from him that I should be more careful and talk to Bao to get him to be aware of the values that I had brought to the table and not go unrecognised. We also chatted about the possibility of joining the competition especially since they have a recent open req on Fiber PLM role, and thought that it may be a good career progression too, especially since I have the correct profile for that role

The biggest concern will be jumping ship to working with the opposition camp, may make me lose credit or part of my current network that I had built up over the years.
I’ll have no doubt that I will be able to fit into that role if given the opportunity

Thoughts that flashed across my mind immediately was on beating those that didn’t really appreciate my work or think highly of me if I were to work on the opposite camp. Bao, Sales prez, OF, V, etc

Talked to Des on this req and he confirmed that it is open, and will help me to do an internal referral.
He was also very confident that I was a good fit for this role. Just sent him my updated resume, and fingers crossed, pray that I get called for an interview soon

It had always been on my mind that I wouldn’t want to compete against my ex colleagues by joining the competition. But now the push comes to shove, then it’s just 你做初一，我做十五

Actually I felt a lot more confident and better after talking to Des this morning, compared to feeling so down and despondent yesterday and lost all appetite for the whole day, and still had to hide it from dear. It was so painful...

In the meantime, I will still put on a fight to show my capabilities to my new boss. So if it eventually boils down to my departure being a political move, I’ll have no regrets in making my move

Work Woes

This is something that I can't talk to my dear about, for the fear of her getting worried and all stressed up.

We had just made a purchase for a new home and another for investment, and which will require both of us to be holding down steady well paying jobs.

I had been in my current job for the last 10 years, which had been mostly smooth sailing, with my pay increasing steadily over the years to a relatively comfortable level.

However, I have a sense of doom looming over my current role now, as the Global Sales President has made his first move of removing the China from my existing portfolio by hiring a new person, which I'm supposed to help to interview

With my new boss that had just came onboard 3 months ago, whom isn't familiar with what I had done and achieved in the past, nor understood the challenges and needs of our region, will not be able to fully appreciate my capabilities or talents, especially when he is a new hire from the Sales President's ex-company.

At the same time, they had brought in another of their ex-staff from the same company for North America, and my replacement for China will be another of their ex-staff, which they had pulled out all stops to hire.

What made it more ominous was that I wasn't consulted or informed on my China replacement until I was asked to interview some candidates, and on further probing with my new boss and the sales president, the sales president just brushed me off, saying "this is your replacement" without any further explanation.

I felt really bad at that point in time.
Maybe it's my performance? Maybe I didn't manage to make a deep enough impact in China?
I chose to look at this the other way, that maybe the company is doing better now and could afford to invest more resources to expand our capacity, as what the China Sales VP had always wanted.

This played on my mind since Feb, that I had to be aware and cautious of the possibility that I may be booted out of the company. Whether be it on performance, or if it's political, there will be a huge price for me to pay at this point if the worst scenario is to play out.

In last week's Global team meeting, the Sales president was sitting in our team meeting, and while my counterparts went on and on about certain issues, my boss walked over to me twice, and whispered to me that he wanted me to speak up more infront of the Sales president. It sent chills down my spine at that point.

Was this a warning that the Sales president had put me on his namelist for clearance?

I have an inkling that the Sales president had a dislike for me over the last few years, and he had never really spoken to me directly in the eye and provided good advice on what can be further improved.

Perhaps this is it. Perhaps this may be the moment that he had been waiting for, to get rid of me so that he can bring his own crew in.

I'm not concerned about ego or anything at this point.
The biggest worry that I have is that if I were to lose my job and income now, it will worry and stress the hell out of dear and it will have a serious impact on our property investment.

Dear had always been skeptical and cautious on making the property investment, and I remember very clearly that her only wish is to have a roof over our heads, and to have enough to provide for our kids. Nothing luxurious or whatsoever.

It is at this very moment that I cast strong doubts and aspersions on myself that what had I done.
The fortune teller had mentioned 10 years ago to me that my life is filled with highs and lows.
大起大落，再起再落
If it were to happen to myself alone then it ain't such a big problem.
The problem is that if I don't do well now, it will affect dear and the kids.
That's by far my biggest worry.

Really feeling uncomfortable and stressed now
Don't have the appetite for food, nor can I find any more pleasure in activities that I used to enjoy.
寡欲不欢
First time in my last 10 years in this job, that I started to actively send resumes out for job applications.
First time I feel that this is a really serious threat..


At the same time, I can't show anything to dear or the family, and have to appear as if everything is as per normal in front of them.
Only Bro and 2 other close colleagues know about this.

Next course of action will be to seek guidance from my current boss on what he wants me to do next.
Perhaps also talk to my ex boss on his opinions as well
More importantly, step up on my job hunt and move on if possible

男人有泪不倾谈
一切忧愁自己扛
危机四伏风云路
转机或许就在灯火阑珊处